Sweat. Sweat. and More Sweat! 

You see that right there? Yeah that’s 5.0 miles. I did it big yesterday on that elliptical. One hour knocked out. I was going hard on that elliptical too. Trying to see how fast I could knock a mile out. I think I average a 12 minute mile. Which is fine for me. I noticed that I like to work out in the campus gym because it has wi-fi, which I love because I can get on my Ipad and do ratchett stuff. I was all on Itunes downloading the new Kanye song “mercy”. I was posting pictures to my Google+ group and talking wreckless. Sometimes I get on my netflix and watch a show like Criminal Minds or South Park. I love it! It helps me keep my mind off of the monotony of the machine. Also, I wore a gray shirt yesterday so I could see all the sweat dripping down. Something about breaking a good sweat is wonderful! I sweat alot in my face, and scalp, if I hadn’t mentioned that before, and sometimes it’s a huge burden. You know like when I’m out at social events with my friends and cute men. That’s not the right time to over heat and start sweating… Looking like I just jumped right up out the pool. Goodness! :(  But anyways. I loved the elliptical. I like cardio. I think. I think when it gets to be too much and I’m gasping for air, and my chest is burning, that’s when I hate it. Like, I hate jogging in cool air. I always feel like I can taste blood in the back of my throat. NO bueno. But I Google it, and it’s fairly common, so it’s all good. I’ll be back in the gym today! Maybe for two hours. We’ll see. I’m workng out with AJ, even though I’ll have to leave her early to go have a conference call for my side job. :/ Later. 

The spread today. I got my veggies on deck. Some good quality water (which I will refill from the water fountain when empty) and some salt and pepper Kettle chips for good crunch.

I went out last night to a club here in Memphis. And while there was plenty of RATCHETNESS going on, I also noticed that there were tons of very fashionable, slim, gorgeous girls in there. I was like hmmm….. If i looked like that… I’d be UNSTOPPABLE. But alas, I’m still fat, quirky me. My inner slore is dying to come out and play in body -conscious dresses and midriff tops. My BFF and I are ALWAYS stalking Forever 21+ in search of cute fits. But What we’ve found is that every other fashion conscious fat girl on the planet is on there as well and that results in clothing selling out almost immediately. I mean seriously, We have to stalk the site DAILY in order to catch anything good on there. Meanwhile, on the straight size site, there are literally hundreds of pages of clothing that aint selling out or going anywhere anytime soon. What’s up with that? I went out on Friday and dressed up in  my 1950s inspired pin-up outfit which originally consisted of a gorgeous black dress. Well, my friend Brittany ended up borrowing my dress ( even though she has the EXACT same dress) because she couldn’t find anything to wear. I ended up in a black size 18 pencil skirt from Target and a beautiful drape neck  mauve sleeveless shirt. Let’s talk about that skirt for a minute. 

First of all, it breaks my hard that I am in the absolute biggest size that Target offers. And that size 18….. that 18 was Fitting tight in all the wrong places. When I sat down I felt like I was going to burst out of that sucker. It was awful feeling stuffed like a sausage into a skirt all damn night, while there were tons of beautiful slim women around me that were wearing tight dresses and skirts and not having these problems. So, where does this leave me? feeling like a sausage with no end to my misery in sight? No, I’m motivated damn it. I’ve seen how easily I drop the weight. Discipline is where I mess up. I’m not disciplined and I dont know the habits of highly disciplined people. But I do know this. I’m not buying anymore clothes ( unless it’s some damn shorts, cuz it’s hot as all get out) Until June 1st. I got enough Fat clothes to last me an eternity. If I buy clothes they MUST be size 14 and under. Call it an incentive. 

Can fat girls be pin ups? I think I’d make a good one ;)

So, I haven’t been very consistent with my diet over the past month. Why? Because I am lazy and no one is holding me accountable. That’s really the truth right there in a nutshell. If I had someone that was going to make me stay  on the straight and narrow and keep me focused and accountable regarding what I ate, I’d be 30 lbs slimmer by now! I just KNOW it. I know it because when I do eat well and forgo the fast food, I am able to shed pounds relatively easily. I started out at 238. My weight has been fluctuating wildly between 238 and 227 for a month now and it’s all because of my diet. I have wanted to go on a clean eating streak for some time now, but i just never did it. My excuses are plentiful. I am a broke college student that cant afford all the expensive produce that spoils quickly. I am too busy to shop every week for food. They cut off my damn food stamps! :( But u know what, I somehow find the time and the money to go everywhere I want and eat everything I want, no matter how expensive. I am at a cross roads right now. I think that as long as keep complaining, this will never get done. I realize that the kind of man I am attracted to typically isnt attracted to me, or heavy girls like me. SO, with that in mind, I am trying to focus on what I can change and get it done! Because, at some point in my life I want a decent man that won’t approach me on no “I love big girls” tip. 

After reading Black girl’s guide to weightloss and Ericka’s story on going on a raw diet, I realized I wanted to try that. I know that it might not be completely sustainable, but I am willing to give it a go. I think that if I see the numbers on the scale go down, then I might be more willing to do what it takes to make my weightloss happen. At my weight, I could stand to lose a good 100 lbs. This is completely doable, once I wrap my head around it. One step at a time.